So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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