make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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