brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
