you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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