Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
