Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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