oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
