I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
