i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
