I wish I could teleport
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
