She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
