if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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