I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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