From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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