Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
