Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
