If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
