i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
