she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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