did i walk over a car last night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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