If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
