I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
