My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
