his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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