I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A bitchslap is in order.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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