I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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