If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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