Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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