Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
