sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
