please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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