he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
