wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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