I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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