How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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