SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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