Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You left your underwear on the fireplace
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
