Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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