she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
