Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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