He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
