I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
