Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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