My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
