Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
