Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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