sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
