So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
