If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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