My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
