Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
