Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
not ubering you a puppy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
