I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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